Frames for the Soul…
Or, Why I Ask About Your Personality Type
On this page (underline phrases are linked for quick navigation)
Why I’m Putting You in a Box
What’s Real and Other Conclusions
“Why are you putting me in a box?” I could hear my clients moan when I formulated my intake forms and added these questions: “What's your Myers-Briggs type?” And “What is your Enneagram number?”
Many people who come to me aren’t familiar with these systems (don’t worry! I will give you a basic intro and tools to explore more deeply), and the ones who are can, rightly, break out in hives at the question.
Not just because they are tired of being placed in boxes that don’t have space for their complexity and nuance, but because personality typing systems, especially the Myers-Briggs, are often applied in boring and violent ways.
That's what happens when capitalism co-opts tools meant to help people become more self-aware and relational and turns them into job-placement tests ( I mean, don’t get me started!).
People use personality types to excuse their bad behavior, their lack of interest in others or themselves, lack of curiosity or emotional flexibility. To prove they are special while lacking any real sense of self-worth, to prove they are right when actually they are afraid. And of course, they are used to legitimize participation in empire (I am a General because I am an ENTJ and I am meant to lead, I work in PR for wealthy predators because I am an ESTP and have a gift for adapting in chaotic situations)
It’s SO BORING.
And then there are the ways that corporations are using them for profiling and more. There is the dark history in their development. They can be tools of violence.
People can use Astrology in really limiting ways too. For years, that's what kept me from offering astrology readings, even though I’d been studying it most of my life.
There is a scene in the TV show New Girl where a character's sister says, “I'm a Sagittarius, which is why I’m so good with people and horses, but it also makes me, like, really sleepy.”
???
It makes no sense. Which is how I often feel when people explain their behavior with something like “I’m an ESFP,” or “I’m an enneagram 6.” What does that mean? It’s like we don’t have free will. Like we aren’t responsible for our behaviors. Like we don’t all have gods (archetypes) at play within us. Like we aren’t each a mystery.
Blaghhhhhh.
So I understand and see the wisdom in why many of my community members run the other way or just shut down when they hear folks using typing language.
But just because people use a tool badly doesn’t mean it's a bad tool.
The Frame is Not the Picture
I was introduced to personality typing as a pre-teen, when my parents went to marriage counseling, and they were told to read Please Understand Me II, a book about temperament using the Myers-Briggs (MBTI).
I became OBSESSED. I typed anyone who would let me ask them the prerequisite 50-or-so questions. It was also my introduction to Carl Jung's work. With its connection to Plato, who I already had a huge crush on ( I was a lonely, sickly nerd as a child in a house with over 5000 books, should you need context), it really spoke to me.
I was a mystery to myself (and to pretty much everyone who wasn’t my mom), and as a neurospicy sensitive, everyone else was a mystery to me too. The MBTI felt like it gave me a door to explore those mysteries.
It allowed me to reflect on and find pattern in character (which has pretty much become my life's focus). It helped me ask for what I needed and say no to what I didn’t. It brought me sanity: a way to be compassionate toward my foibles, name and appreciate my gifts, and understand why other people did what they did without reducing them to a pathology (crazy, narcissist) or a villain.
This last part has become especially important to me as I’ve grown older and come to see how dangerous it is to use diagnostic language to describe human behavior outside the psychologist's office. It is ableist and sanist. And again…really boring and often not actually that helpful for getting our needs met or being in relationship with others.
Neither of these systems, in their original designs, were intended to be used solely as ego containers: space holders for rigid understandings of “I am” and “you are”.
Neither were they intended to place people in narrow, simplistic boxes that buff out all the strangeness and edges and homogenize people.
Honestly…they were designed for exactly the OPPOSITE.
They were designed to support the unfoldment of self, for the unique, unlike anyone before or after youness which exists beyond personality and beyond social conditioning to burgeon and bloom.
The MBTI is for growth, to develop the parts of yourself and integrate them into a whole. The Enneagram is for seeing through the defenses that you’ve developed in response to pain, and going deeper than them.
They are frames. Ways of seeing. Perspectives. A frame is not the picture within it. It merely helps you to see the thing it holds. A frame can help to emphasize something's beauty, power, or complexity.
But so often in our materialistic, anti-relational culture, where we crave the ultimate answer and believe only in things that can be proven repeatedly, we also refuse flexible thinking and can mistake the frame for the picture itself.
Every personality system (including astrology) is just a frame, a way to look at yourself, and to understand parts of your nature. Each frame gives us a new perspective. Convincing ourselves that only one of them is “true” is a disservice. They all give us something: access to one facet of a vision, and by using them together (like combining the MBTI or the Enneagram with astrology), we can hold multiple perspectives simultaneously.
Here's how these systems help you do that…
Note: The goal of this page is not to describe the systems in depth (it is complex and would take too much time). Links below guide you to people who explain the systems beautifully. My goal is to tell you why I use them and recommend you do, too.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
What the MBTI is Good For and When to Use it.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is an adaptation of Carl Jung's Typology, a beautiful system he created to understand his clients and the core patterns of behavior he saw within them.
Jung (re)introduced modern Western culture to the concept of individuation. The goal of life, he said, is not to be perfect, or good, but to be fully oneself, ie to be whole. This requires integrating all the different parts of the self. The part of you who believes in fulfilling one's duty and the part of you who wants to leave all responsibility behind and travel the world with only a suitcase. An individuated person has met the needs of both sides and tended them so he can express both (and more).
To be clear…no one is fully individuated. No matter how advanced, resourced, old, or wise we are, we are always in the process of becoming.
Also, when we talk about individuation, we are not talking about toxic individuality. Jung argued, and I strongly agree, that it is only when we are conscious and inhabiting our own nature, our individuality, that we can actually show up in relationship with others. No longer the sleeping princess or rogue prince, but a real person. Hence the maxim “Know Thyself” at the threshold of most spiritual journeys.
In archetypal astrology, we move towards individuation through working with the celestial archetypes, each representing elements of the psyche that need to learn to work together and be expressed.
In Jung’s Typology and the MBTI (the version popularized by mother and daughter team Katharine Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers) we do this with the four functions.
We all have all four, but we lean on them in different orders, and with varying intensity over time.
The first two are perception functions. They indicate the kinds of information we can pick up on and respond to.
Sensing- Our capacity to be with what IS, the present, what exists
Intuiting- Our capacity to be with what could be, to follow patterns, to connect
The second two are judgment functions. They are what we do with the information we perceive
Thinking- Our capacity to process what we perceive through the lens of logic and systems
Feeling- Our capacity to process what we perceive through the lens of what something is worth (not emotions)
These four functions are directed and expressed with either Extraversion or Introversion.
In Jungian terms, introversion is not shyness, and extraversion is not exuberance. That is a common misconception. I am an exuberant introvert. It has to do with where your energy comes from.
If your energy primarily comes from engaging with other humans and the world, you are an extravert. If your energy comes from contemplation, going within, being with your thoughts or creative processes, you are an introvert. (And of course many of us are a mix, ambiverts, but that's not Jung's language.) However, he did think that we tend to extravert certain functions and introvert others, which is more deeply expressed in the MBTI.
Jung hypothesized that everyone starts with a combination of two of the functions (for example, I am dominantly an iNtuitive Feeler), but ideally, as we individuate, we develop ALL the functions.
Jung's Typology isn’t interested in limiting you to a “type”. It helps you understand how you function unconsciously, on autopilot, so you can make it conscious and embody the true weirdo you are. It shows you your personal road to wholeness.
How to figure out your type
With both these systems, the key is TIME. I started studying Typology when I was 12, and I only actually knew my type, for SURE, when I was about 30. It is a journey.
I thought I was an ENFP. Then I vacillated between INFP and INFJ.
Several experts have confirmed my type; I am an INFJ. But it took me 17 years to know for sure.
This probably won’t be you, but I want you to know it’s normal to go for years thinking you are one type and then realizing you are another. And yes, of course, people change. But that's not what that's about. These systems are complex and sophisticated enough not just to hold, but also to explain and systematize processes of change within individuals.
So it’s okay if you don’t know your type for sure yet. Learning your type is like knowing the station you are catching the train from. It doesn’t affect your destination, but it does help you get there.
So take your time. Do multiple tests. Ask friends and experts. Hold it lightly. Whatever helps you become more self-aware and have greater love and compassion for yourself is good enough for now. Cause also remember this is all made up. Like everything else, but humans like to forget that.
Limits
MBTI content is often skewed towards capitalistic ideals.
Many of the tests cost money, but you don’t need to pay to figure it out, and if you decide to, give that money to a coach who can work with you 1-1 or has created a resource to help you to figure out your type.
The MBTI is used in really dark ways in the corporate worlds. See below in the recomendations for more about that.
There also is no component of the system (that I know about) that goes deeply into levels of health and what different types look like at different health levels. The Enneagram does that beautifully, though (maybe you are starting to see why I like using multiple systems simultaneously).
MBTI Recommendations
Tests
16personalities' free test Not perfect, but it's free and a good beginning for exploring type, plus some extras
Michael Caloz's typing test This one gives a great intro to typing and has a really unique test. That being said, my actual type was 3rd down his list of possibilities. Which is okay. But a great example of how it works. The tests will point the way but not necessarily get it right.
Other Resources
My favorite way to love something is to critique it, so I highly recommend checking out The Personality Brokers by Merve Emre. It will validate your qualms. And it's also damn interesting. And sometimes quite ominous.
On that note, HBO Max made a documentary called Persona, about the way empire uses typing the way tyrants always use people sorting systems: to create violent hierarchies and perpetuate marginalization of vulnerable populations. It’s kinda like a horror movie where personality tests are the monsters (controlled by evil corporate villains, of course).
Type-In-Mind gives a great intro to the basic theory, and breakdowns of how Cognitive Stacking works, and the lowdown on each one.
For the researchers, depth types, and nerds, a great book is Lectures on Jung’s Typology, with essays by depth psychological hero Marie-Louise von Franz and my favorite thinker ever, James Hillman.
The Enneagram
What the Enneagram is good for and When to use it
I only learned about the Enneagram ten years ago, in graduate school, and I love it. It offers something totally different than the MBTI, so I think they work well together.
The Enneagram is rooted in the work of philosopher-mystic George Ivanovich Gurdjieff, who I am kind of obsessed with, though he never meant it to be a personality type system. That adaptation was created by Oscar Ichazo and Claudio Naranjo.
In this case, each “personality type” represents a defense system. It’s how you responded to pain and suffering. It is not YOU. It is the wall keeping you from your authentic self. It is your adaptations. How you learned to survive.
So the Enneagram inevitably focuses on the more negative side of the psyche. It focuses on your worst fears and the ways you’ve survived them.
This system is complex, but I like that you can gain self-knowledge at any level of the system.
You have a number from 1-9 (and then like 600 variations), but the numbers are strategies. Ideally, similarly to Jung’s Typology, as you age and grow, you learn to develop all the strategies, use them when you need them, and avoid getting trapped within them.
How to figure out your type
Again, time is your friend. It took me about a year, though a friend told me from day one that I am a 4 (the romantic/individualist/artist). She was right.
Take the test several times, from at least a few different sources. Sit with it. Watch YouTube videos. Talk to your friends about it. Read a book or 7. No rush.
The best way I know to know you’ve found your enneagram type is a feeling of “Oh shit.”
Your patterns should feel reflected back at you in a pretty uncomfortable way. Shame, embarrassment, resignation- these can all come up when you realize your type. If you feel excited and like “ooo that's so sexy” right off the bat, it's probably not the right one. If it makes you face something about yourself you’d rather avoid, you are likely on the right path.
Pro tip: Once you are down to a handful of possible types, preferably no more than 3, that you are considering, it's helpful to turn to the instinctual variants, which indicate the survival strategy(ies) you prefer. A link to a resource for that is below.
Limits
People can be triggered by focusing on the negative parts of themselves. Trust your psyche to tell you whether it's right for you in this moment. The Enneagram will help free you from a lot of limiting patterns, which is always best done in the context of self-love and adequate support. But remember…it’s just a made up thing. Like Tarot, or astrology, these are human created languages to try to speak to the ineffable. Just cause you can’t find your type (or don’t like it), doesn’t mean you don’t exist.
The Enneagram is very popular in the Christian community, and many of the available resources emphasize Christian values. All the resources I recommend either are secular, or I feel the person does a good job of holding their Christianity well- kindly and lightly- but I wanted to alert you to that, because as many eco-spiritual Christian clients as I have, I have clients with cult, organized religion, and trauma from Christian imperialism.
Enneagram Recommendations
Tests
The Multifactor Enneagram test A really interesting test, with accurate answers for me, a great first test
Enneagram-personality.com's test Solid free test with your wing included
Eclectic Energies' test Another solid free option. There are two options, I find the first one to be more accurate and so does reddit (lol)
Other Resources
My favorite book is The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson. They’ve written many books together; I think this one is closest to the Enneagram's roots. It also includes a test.
Check out Claudio Naranjo’s work to understand the philosophy of personality (and neurosis) behind the Enneagram. His work is a little dated, gender-wise, so please keep that in mind, but it's still very helpful for understanding how the Enneagram helps you become more conscious, and it works well for those familiar with psychoanalytic theory.
Here is a great video intro to the Enneagram from an enthusiastic “theatre kid” with a sweet vibe
I like this YouTuber, Dr. Tom LaHue. His videos on the Instinctual Variants are particularly helpful. This video is his intro to the Enneagram, if you want a deep dive.
Once you know your type, this is a great website for exploring your instinctual variants as well
What’s Real and Other Conclusions…
When my intake form asks you to name your personality types, it's not because you need to know. You aren’t required to take the above tests before you finish filling out the form. It’s just a “if you do happen to know, then it's helpful for me to know.”
There is a good chance that, even if you do know and share it, we won’t talk about it in our session. I’ll keep it in mind as I support you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get excellent support if you don’t know it.
However, I recommend giving the time and energy to work through the struggle of figuring out your type. If you are interested in becoming more self-aware, having more agency over your actions, compassion toward yourself and others, and being generally more conscious, it will genuinely be helpful. Either way…
